| The road to hell is paved with good intentions... |
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[Saturday
August 11th, 2007 at 6:05pm] |
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I have a huge spiritual [not to be confused with religious] void. My body feels weak and my mind goes numb in the heat.
Actually, I don't just have a spiritual void. I have a huge, everything encompassing void.
It started as a small empty pit in my midsection and its grown to unspeakable size.
I stand in it now, an aura black as black. Not a not blue-black or red-black or even shadow-black.
A black so black that it absorbs all the light and reflects nothing but the tower card.
Naw, okay, I'm actually not doing that bad.
I've been doing a lot of soul searching, and haven't found out anything about myself, except what I don't want to become.
I crave autumn.
Every molecule of my body screams with anticipation. I want to watch as the deciduous trees stripe nude and the night starts acting on its vendetta against the sun.
I want to layer up and open my eyes wide under the overcast, standing out neon under the gray.
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[Wednesday
October 4th, 2006 at 5:56pm] |
Dude, its raining.
I'm going outside to smell stuff.
Oh, and I'm leaving.
I'll be gone to treasure island on monday. See you guys in a couple years.
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[Thursday
September 28th, 2006 at 6:02pm] |
luna bars simply rule my world
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[Wednesday
September 20th, 2006 at 6:00pm] |
My friend John H left his apartment one day, just to return a few minutes later with a cat. She was obviously starving and he caught her wandering around his condominium eating grass. He took her in, even though he already has a cat. His complex is pet friendly with the exception that you only have ONE cat or small dog. Two months after John took this cat in, he ends up with eight cats. He could get in big trouble. He tried calling arf, when he found out the cat was pregnant, but arf has too many kittens already. He called the pound, but they where going to abort the pregnancy (A week before they were due) and put the mama cat up for adoption. So John kept the cat, and now the kittens. John doesn't get out much, and he put me in charge of finding homes for the kittens. Have a heart.
Click here to pick a kitten
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[Friday
June 30th, 2006 at 12:47am] |
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You know.. I dunno what's going on. My cat is dying, my dad is tweaking, my mom's a drunk, and I'm pretty much homeless. I live with my boyfriends parents but I know that can't last forever. I need a job more than anything, but I'm not making very much progress. The really strange part is that I feel so content. I mean.. my life is so fucked up. Why an I not worried? My whole life I've been unsatisfied. I've always wanted better and more. I've never just been fucking copacetic. The more shitty things seem to get, the more I accepting I become. I haven't had a very stable childhood. I've been to six highschools, and I have a network of friends in several different states. I go though different sets of families and it hurts hurts hurts me every time a burn a bridge or sever ties with someone. Since I hit puberty I haven't lived in one place more than eight months. I've been dating Marshall for about a year and a half now. When I'm with him, I feel like I'm home. He's like family, except better because he chose me. He's a really good boyfriend and I couldn't wish for anything better. But you know.. tomorrow anything could happen. Seriously, anything. And for the first time in my life I feel independent. I'm not sure but I think that I could make it on my own. No parents, no siblings, no friends and no marshall. It doesn't matter. As much as I love Marshall and my family and my friends and I would never choose to leave them.. They sort of seem material. They are outside of myself and I can live with out all of it. I prayed for my cat. I prayed and prayed and prayed until the backs of my eyelids went from pinkish black to gray to bright white. I prayed to anything and everything ancient or immortal. Later I realized that if my cat dies from its blockage, it dies, and there is no point prolonging it. I feel okay. Really really okay. I feel like everything I honestly need is inside of me somewhere.
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| Virgin Entry |
[Thursday
June 3rd, 2004 at 1:41pm] |
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mood |
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|In light of recent events, I’m making a new, friends ONLY journal|
|Merely comment to be added|
|Please keep hands, legs, and penises out of the ale while my stewardess brings around refreshments|
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cyanidenkoolaid's journal
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